Ramblin

There's something about this time of year, the clouds get darker, the weather cooler, I can just feel fall coming to michigan. This is both my favorite time of year, and one of my most dreadful times of year. It is during the fall that I think michigan is at it's most beautiful, the leaves turn into the most vibrant colors I have ever seen, the air dries out and becomes crisp, and I can wear sweaters, but don't yet need a jacket. This season also always brings stress. School begins again and I worry about classes and the future, the sun starts appearing less and less and I feel the effects of seasonal depression. I look forward and see the many many months of winter ahead of me and begin to prepair what I will need to get through. 

Late summer and fall also bring an entirely unique feeling to me, I want to call it the need to travel, or "wanderlust" as so many Facebook posts call it, but to me it feels more like the need to run, or as Zepplin and the Allman brothers put it, the need to ramble. Whenever I drive anywhere this time of year I get this deep urge, from a place that only primal and base instincts come from, to just continue driving as far as I can go. I'm not sure if it's an urge to escape the winter, or just the want to explore, but it's happened every year, and I think one of these years, when I have the means, and the time is right, I'm going to see where it takes me.

Peace

What am I doing here.

Happens every semester, I question what I am doing. Is this what I want to do with my life and my career? I'm not sure honestly most of the time. I appreciate the importance of this career, I enjoy it, but I feel as though it's pretty crappy most of the time. As teachers we're forced to force students. They have to learn from a particular curriculum, they have to follow these certain rules. I feel like this profession is dying from over standardization. There are stupid rule that must be followed and so many important experiences that students don't get anymore. I want to be able to just take students outside and learn from the earth. I don't know what I want to do. When I'm working at the climbing gym I "have to" make students follow these certain rules, and I "have to" be rigid with them when I'm working with this certain person. It's exhausting. When I let the kids enjoy their time there and we just work on projects (What most climbers do at the gym anyway) the kids have so much more fun. yeah we do some technique and drills, but it's so much better to just let the kids climb! That's what they're there for! I guess I feel the same way about education, when we let students explore what they want to then they take ownership of their education and really run with it. Think about it, if you have to write a persuasive essay, and it has to be about whether cookies or brownies are better. Ok, if you really love cookies or brownies you might make a good paper. however, if I ask you to write a persuasive essay about why I should try out your favorite hobby, something you are passionate about, you are going to write an amazing paper.
I guess it seems to me like so much of school and life is just (excuse my french) bullshit, we have to do certain things even though everyone knows they suck and are pointless, but we still have to do them.
I just want things to change. The status quo isn't working anymore and we need to find a new way.  

Once again I love comments, if you have something to say or thoughts on any of my infrequent posts please share them. I love discussion.

Rambling.

why do I keep feeling like there is a. certain way I am supposed to dress. I feel like I don't dress well and I have no style, but I also don't have a lot of money for clothes and would rather spend it on something else, and tend to prefer comfort over being high fashion.
I think I dress alright.
Lately I feel like I have been shooting for "Alright" lately.
I'm tired of school.

I'm wearing an alpaca sweater today.

Didn't even have to use my AK

It feels like a good day, I feel like I'm getting my life together lately, I'm making good progress in school, I'm handling my finances like an adult and keeping my apartment clean.  Everything feels good. I was going to post a picture with my cat in my lap and coffee in my hands but he moved. So here is me on the way to teach yesterday.

Don't Sweat The Big Stuff

I've tried to write this post like three times and I keep getting distracted.  this week has been pretty great, it's been nice getting back to the routine of school, and realizing that the semester is almost over (as terrifying as that feels).  I was really stressed the last week, I think I was thinking about to many things. I've been thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I feel like inside each section of needs there are subdivisions, I've been focusing on the more basic things lately, food, school, and work.  it's been helping a lot, I'm more focused, I'm doing those things better and as they turn into routine then I can start adding things in in the middle.
That's all I have for today, I wish people would comment on some of these. I wouldn't mind knowing people's thoughts on these things.
Things I'm Thankful For:
Days off
Clean kitchens
Soft cats
Soft beards
Coffee
Simple healthy food
Pinterest
Slippers that look like space shuttles.

Not too much I want to talk about today. Life gets stressful and hard, I'm happy to have good strong friendships and relationships that keep me grounded and keep me moving when I don't want to. Even when they're oceans away.
P.S. the guy across from me at the coffee shop I'm in is talking about his company that 3D prints prosthetic limbs.  SO COOL
Things I'm Thankful For

• Friendships
• Relationships
• Music
• Coffee
• Oatmeal Rasin Cookies
•  Science
• Facetime
• Good coffee shops to work in
• cozy sweatshirts
• FINALLY seeing the sun
• Ability to graduate college debt free

2/17/15 Life Gets Hard

For a moment, Just now, I smelled spring.  I'm inside, I don't know where it came from, but it filled me with such hope and lifted my heart so high. Winter is so hard in so many ways, school is intense, my bank account is still trying to recover from the holidays while coping with spending more on utilities because it's so bitter cold.  Things have been rough lately, tickets, and just life has made me start to see my bank account dwindle and that stresses me out.  I'm not struggling, I still have over $500 in my account, and I get paid Thursday, but it stresses me out. I kind of made the decision to move home next year, I'm not sure if it's the right one. I wonder if I need to survive on my own. I wonder if it will ever get easier, will I feel more secure with a better job, or will I just have different worries and struggles? Can you ever be comfortable in this life and society we have created? I guess I'm really just worried that I won't get to go on climbing trips this summer.  I guess I can't know until I get there. I should also remember that the summer is cheaper. I guess that my reserve money just did what it was supposed to these last few months.  I just need to cut back and let it build back up.
Things I'm Thankful For

• Paczkis
• coffee
• good hip hop
• understanding friends
• a job I enjoy even if I wish I made more money
• nice libraries